not so picture perfect.

i think a lot of bloggers struggle with how transparent to be. i have a theory that the more insecure a girl is the more fake her life, via her blog, comes across. because, naturally, we want people to think our life is perfect. that we have our crap together. that every evening meal is eaten by candlelight at the table and it's a four course affair.

um, please, never think my life is like that.

our evening meals are eaten on TV trays because the kitchen table is buried under mail, carpet cleaner (because the dog sometimes craps on the carpet), a box of kleenex and an unfinished craft project.

monday through friday i cook supper. but not because i just LOVE cooking. sure, i enjoy it but it's not my favorite thing to do. i cook because we are on a budget and eating take-out is not a part of that budget.

today i am wearing my favorite green t-shirt. yesterday? i wore the same green shirt. and you know what? i didn't wash it last night. and i probably won't wash it before i wear it again.

i'm not the best at folding laundry right out of the dryer. if you go into our room you will find our dresser covered in clean clothes waiting to be put away. and a laundry basket sitting by the door full of more clean clothes. but at least they're clean. right? right.

this afternoon ruth and i ran to the grocery store to grab some bananas and an avocado. afterwards we went to target and walked around. i didn't need anything there, i just wanted to get out and look around. to be in public. because sometimes being a stay at home mom can be very isolating. hear me clearly, staying at home with ruth is the greatest thing in the world to me. but sometimes it can be very lonely. and because of that i am thankful for my sweet neighbor i can visit and places like target we can wander around in.

i dusted a couple of weeks ago when i put up the christmas decorations. that was the first time i had dusted since may. because we don't have a cleaning lady and taking care of a newborn keeps a girl busy.

i'm currently in a bidding war for a couple of adorable smocked dresses for ruth on ebay. because i freaking refuse to pay $50 for a dress for her that she will wear just a handful of times. and at the same time i know i will always buy her new clothes before i ever get something for myself. growing up my sister and i always teased my mom because she wore the same stuff over and over for years. now i understand, her children came first. i will gladly wear the same cardigan and pants for the next ten years.

i got poop on my hand during a diaper change today. i wiped it off but forgot to wash my hand afterwards.

i was angry with mr. darling two nights ago. for absolutely no reason at all other than i was exhausted and he was irritating the life out of me.

last night i said shit at 3am.  ruth was up every 2 hours because she didn't feel well due to her immunizations. i had just laid her back down and knew i had about 1.5 hours before she would be up again. and it was at the moment the baby monitor decided to start freaking out and acting possessed. this went on for 30 minutes. shit was the nicest thing i muttered during that battle with technology.

so, there you have it...just a glimpse into my life. because last night, after glancing at a few blogs and being absolutely floored by the blatant bragging, materialism and over the top cheeriness that could never be true, i realized i never wanted to come off that way myself.

my life isn't perfect. i don't think anyone's is. but it's mine. it's messy and beautiful. i am flawed. i pick fights when i'm tired and sometimes when i'm not. i am a sinner, a filthy, disgusting sinner, saved by His grace. and it's because of His grace, His blessings, that i have this life. this sweet life.